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[ To say that Rachel was shocked would be an extreme understatement. She was beyond shocked, she was horrified. She's gotten used to living in places with high security, on high levels, away from intruders, completely cut off from people. But now here she was, caught off guard, she was making her way to... Where was she going? The kitchen, living room? It didn't matter, because there she was, frozen in place just inches away from the broken down door.

She looked nothing like the image she usually gave off, she was afraid, and her eyes were trained on Sarissa's palm.

She managed to compose herself enough to answer in her usual cold manner, though. But she managed just that, seeing as her balance was shaky, and the cane was doing very little in keeping her, already unstable body, still. ]

I don't recall lying to you.

No?

( Sarissa has a smile on her face, and no part of it is pleasant. It's not quite cold - she's too emotional to really pull that off. It's strained and angry and sarcastic, if all those can be rolled into one. )

You said you didn't do a thing to hurt them, but—

( Her head cants to the side, and she closes her fist, making the ball of burning energy disappear. In the next moment? There's a quarter in her hand, that she flips so it spins in the air, and catches it. She continues doing this absent-mindedly as she speaks. )

What do you s'pose telling people about us all being clones was gonna do? Especially given what your lot's been doin' to them back home.

( On the next flip into the air, the quarter combusts, a small but decisive little explosion that sends a little wave of heat through the air. For the first time since their acquaintance, Sarissa sounds genuinely angry, even if that temper is tightly controlled for the moment. ) Do you really think I'm that stupid?

Edited 2016-11-03 18:16 (UTC)

[ How would she know...? Well, she hasn't really kept it much of a secret, but she needed to know who told Sarissa, who to direct her anger at. The gesture was frightening, but she knew it was just for show, or she hoped it was. She doubted Sarissa was going to actually hurt her, a few angry words, definitely. But she doubted that she'll be subjected to violence, not that fires aren't something she's already crossed paths with. ]

"My lot" and what we do is none of your concern, especially considering none of them are here. [ A pause, and she returned the cheerless smile. ] As you can see, I'm all alone. If I had any power, do you really think you could simply barge in here? The truth was bound to come out, it was a matter of time. I only told the truth for our sake.

[ For good measure, she let the cane drop, and took a shaky step forward. Her voice was calm when she speaks, almost threatening. ]

You're not going to attack me, Sarissa. I'm your sister, after all. We can settle this calmly.

[ She's reaching, but she wears the innocent, almost hurt, expression so effortlessly. ]

( Franky she doesn't give much of a shit about what power Rachel does or doesn't have, right now, beyond logistics. )

Rachel. We're flesh and bone, but that doesn't make us okay with one another. I want you to be my sister, but I know you took Kira. And— I know Sarah put a pencil through your eye. There's injuries on both sides and you don't strike me as the type to really cuddle and make up.

( There's an exhale, and she moves a step closer to Rachel. There's no attack in it now, but the way Sarissa moves isn't the lazy fluidity of last time Rachel saw her. It's rigid, controlled. It's a mercenary, a fighter - she's a soldier, now, and even the way she holds herself is different. )

If you did anything for our sake, you would've reached out to us first. You're smarter than this. This kind of execution is sloppy, us finding out by accident.

( Hardly seems like a smart tactic, to her. ) What does family mean to you, Rachel?

I wouldn't reach out, I know the animosity all of you hold towards me.

[ She's starting to regret letting her cane fall, because this Sarissa was different. It wasn't a change she was anticipating, and she couldn't feel more foolish than right now. Every time she's met with clones, she's had extensive files and history on them, but not this time. All the theories she's came up with regarding Sarissa was based on a few meetings, nothing substantial at all. For all she knew she might not even come out of this alive.

She had to agree with her, although she won't make that obvious. Everything she's done so far was tactless, a far cry from her history of detailed plans. She used to be one step ahead of everyone. But she had people at her disposal then, and the self confidence to not be overwhelmed by the thought of being in control, but used to it. Now she was a mere shell of herself. ]

Do you really want my opinion?

[ The question felt like it came out of the blue. Would it really matter what she said? Would it change anything if all she saw family as what betrayal and pain? ]

( Sarissa's gaze drops, momentarily, to the cane. Keeping a watchful gaze on Rachel, Sarissa drops to one knee to pick it up, offering it back to—

what was Rachel to her, exactly? She wasn't family, not the way Alison, Cosima and Sarah were, because they wanted Sarissa and chose her even knowing she wasn't really one of them. And she wasn't bound to Rachel by DNA, even if she was maintaining that lie for now. Hurting Rachel was as repugnant an idea to her as any other, but she was prepared to do it, or at least to threaten it (similarly horrifying, in her mind) if it would keep the others safe. (Sarissa wondered if her father had ever used such reasoning, like hurting Sarissa or her mother might prevent some greater evil from unfolding.)

She offers Rachel her cane, in any case, and her expression is very unhappy. )

I don't think there's anything more abhorrent than family turning on each other. I'm fine with being awful, though, if it keeps the people I love safe. I'd rather you were one of the people I was keeping safe too, but. You versus us, that doesn't really interest me at all, but— if you're hurting us just by talking, I dunno what other options I got to to make you stop. Might act like a feral, Rachel, but I'm not as big a fan of being feral as I make out.

( It's give. It's give that she can live with, because it's only a cost to herself. ) And yeah, I do. I'm not half as much of a shithead as I make myself out to be. You up for talking?

Edited (EDITS FOREVER) 2016-11-04 15:24 (UTC)

[ She was expecting to be hit with it, and the way she jerked away from it showed her fear. But after the fear subsided, she was confused, but accepted it almost pridefully. Of course she was right, Sarissa wasn't going to hit her. It was easy for Rachel to lie to herself, to act like she wasn't afraid just moments ago. So there she was, standing with her cane in hand, her posture reverting to her usual high-and-mighty stance. ]

I don't see how telling people we're clones is harmful, not here at least. They've escaped Helsinki once, I'm sure they're fine. [ She's well aware Sarissa wouldn't know anything about Helsinki, she wouldn't know that it was code for killing off self aware clones. But she knew Sarissa would get it, she's proven herself to be insightful. If it wasn't for a certain blonde she wouldn't have to deal with them anymore. ] But all of this fear is pointless, considering none of their "threats" are here. But I'm flattered you all see me a threat, even in the state I'm in.

What do you expect to gain from this?

Just because people can escape doesn't mean they should have to.

( Very quiet and very flat. Sarissa debates, for a moment, before nodding towards the somewhere to sit, and as she starts to move towards it - slow, enough that Rachel can take a seat first - she shrugs off the jacket she's wearing. It leaves the holster she's wearing across her back visible, and the gun as well, though she's drawing that and makes a show of showing Rachel the safety is on before she sets it down with her jacket. Out of reach of Rachel, yeah, but not on herself either. And with both of those things on the floor beside her seat, Sarissa takes a seat. )

I want to have family that aren't tearing each other apart, and I don't want us to be having to escape or survive shit that the others are doing. It doesn't matter if the specific threats aren't here, there are always other threats to be mindful of, and some of them would come after you as quick as they'd go after the others.

( Sarissa grabs the lower hem of her shirt and pulls it up, turning to show Rachel her back. Not all of it is visible, but enough is to show messy scars that were once flesh torn apart. Her gaze is pointed away from Rachel. )

My old man'd tell me to pick what belt he'd use. There was this one he had that was wider than all the others, made it easier to deal with. Less—— sharp with the sting, you know? He cottoned on to the tactic, after a bit. Decided to use the buckle instead of the strap. ( The shirt drops back down, and she smooths it before looking at Rachel. ) Threats can take all kinds of shapes, Rachel, and they can do all kindsa things. Doesn't matter if you're not a higher up of some big organisation, far as I'm concerned.

[ She watches Sarissa, her moves surprised her, how differently she carried herself from the last time they met. She takes a sit, her arms crossed on her lap and body language obviously very rigid, but she tried her best to seem relaxed. Although the glances she stole of the gun would easily say otherwise, she didn't concentrate on Sarissa's words much, that is not until she caught a glimpse of her back. At first, her instinct was to reach over and grab the gun with Sarissa back turned, although she didn't, for many reasons. One of them was that she knew she wouldn't be fast enough, and fighting this Sarissa in her state would be foolish, and the second was the scars were shocking. Only momentarily, though, as she easily composed herself.

It wasn't that she was completely apathetic to seeing such scars, but Sarissa wasn't the first to endure abuse. There have been others that went though childhood abuse, and to Rachel, it was all numbers and developmental issues. In the back of her mind she was taking note of everything, and was even proud of herself for seeing at least some of this coming. ]

Then get rid of the threat before it strikes. [ She looked at Sarissa coldly, as if whatever fear she was feeling just moments ago disappeared completely. She's back to pushing her boundaries, experimenting with how far she could go with this clone. She needed to know whether she should really fear this one or not, and provoking her seemed like a good enough test. ] I'm sure you know my history. Why do you think talking about family would change anything? You think showing me your scars would make me show you my hypothetical scars?

( The huff of an exhale past her lips could possibly be taken for a laugh, and she sits down next to Rachel. )

What would you suggest? Keep you locked up in a basement? Tell you that I’ll let you rot in there, just… leave you, kept alive enough that you don’t come back but not actually letting you live?

( Sarissa’s smile, in what small way it can be counted as one, is faint. Whatever flinch Rachel might have expected to see doesn’t come. The anger? Doesn’t flare. Sarissa is all kinds of rage, but she walked into this thinking of it like trying to diffuse a bomb, and that doesn’t happen with yelling. This isn’t about her or her pain, even though that’s the only thing it’s about, on some level. She shakes her head. )

I don’t think you’ll ever let me see something you don’t want me to. But I’m the only one of us here that gives a damn if you’re alive and safe. ( I’m the only one you haven’t hurt, she could say, but that might give something away all on its own. ) Even if you don’t give a crap about family, I do. Not pissing me off is to your benefit. Not hurting the girls? Getting me on your side? Your benefit. You can talk about us not being family and you not caring until the cows come home, but getting along with us helps you.

( A little shrug, then. ) And I told you about my father because— because you’re smart. You’d probably figure it out, and I figured being honest with you about something that was really shitty might be the only way to show you that I’m willing to communicate with you. Actually communicate. Not make it all gunshows and hidden knives.

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cw: reference to past domestic violence/abuse

i love sarissa so much help sldfhsd

cw: more abuse, now with specific description SORRY D: (also slkgfk ty)

rachel is /the/ bitch

it all hurts